nicole @nicole@myna.social

Today’s Chicago fast-breaker is Bang Bang Pie and Biscuits. Very much a yum.

I’m being super talkative today. ☺️ Mostly because this is the first day I’ve had entirely to myself in a couple of years.

😳

I only just realized the truth of that as I wrote it.

That really did cast a shadow over the next decades; it never occurred to me that medicine or culture might actually change, or that one might be a woman—in any sense of the term—without meeting some preordained standard grocery list of physical attributes.

In thinking thay way, I was unconsciously furthering the same stereotypes by which I was myself being bound.

All the older requirements placed such weight on being able to pass. And just as soon as I hit puberty and jacked upwards to become a 6,2” barrel-chested behemoth, I knew I could never meet those standards.

(I still don’t!)

Just learned that “you have to live as your chosen gender for two years before you can access hormones or surgery” was still the 🇺🇸 norm a decade ago.

As a young trans kid reading about that requirement in the early 90’s, it seemed like a impossible hurdle to jump; as an adult, it scared me even more.

My own first two years of living publicly as trans haven’t been the horror I feared. Mostly because of the wonderful people around me, but also because of medical support. Support—not gatekeeping.

Today’s fast-breaker was lunch at Staropolska, a Polish restaurant recommended to me by a friend and fellow food tourist.

My eyes were bigger than my stomach: I barely conquered a single potato pancake before I fell over in defeat. The sour rye soup was fantastic as well.

Also, I really miss Chibi. Can’t wait for return snuggles on Saturday.

The hardest part about being in Chicago has been _being_ in Chicago. The alone parts, in particular.

I haven’t travelled very much since coming out. And when I do, I surround myself with the people who love me most. (There is no better armor) Being out and about in strange environs by myself (or even just with workmates) is about as far from my comfort zone as can be.

It’s probably good for me.

Too bad I’ll be spending the rest of this trip locked up inside, writing performance reviews. 😝

I feel like my face has been all manner of bloated, swollen, and inflamed since arriving in Chicago (lack of sleep; salty food; alcohol), but there have also been moments where I felt pretty good about how I’m presenting. Walking around Logan Square yesterday was one of them. (I really love this knit mesh buttoned top. It’s one of the few I’m comfortable wearing without also wearing jacket)

The scale in this morning’s airbnb, though …. 😂 I guess I _lived_ yesterday. 💕

Revival at Dove’s Luncheonette.

Sigh.

Forty-five birthday candles this year. I might regret how many decades it took for me to come out of the closet were it not for the fact that I never believed it could happen at all. 🎂

😇 Forever an opsimath. 😇